D’VAR TORAH
Imagine a person entering an operating room. He lies down on the bed, allows the doctor to put him to sleep, and does not ask a single question. Why? Because he knows the doctor and trusts him.
Yet when God, the Greatest Healer of all, asks us to go through a period of waiting, uncertainty, or challenge, we immediately ask, “Why is this happening to me?”
This is where we discover the difference between faith and trust.
Faith means: I believe that God runs the world.
Trust means: I am calm because I know that God is also running my world.
Every one of us faces difficult tests in three major areas of life: Finding the right spouse. Building a peaceful marriage. Raising children.
In all three areas, we never have complete control—what we do have is prayer, effort, faith, and trust.
The Three Weeks remind us of the destruction of the Holy Temple. But the real question is: Why was the Temple destroyed?
It was not because God abandoned His people. Instead, His people became distant from Him.
Just as the destruction began when people moved away from God, the redemption will begin when we move closer to Him.
Parashat Pinchas teaches us one of life’s greatest lessons. Pinchas saw confusion. He saw fear. He saw a terrible plague spreading throughout the Jewish nation. He never asked, “Where is God?” Instead, he asked, “What does God want me to do right now?”
That is the secret of living with faith.
A believer does not have to understand everything. A believer asks, “What is my mission at this moment?”
6 TOOLS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Today we will learn six practical tools that can completely transform our lives.
TOOL #1: TRUST GOD’S TIMING
The first tool is to believe that God’s timing is always perfect. People waiting to get married often ask: “Why am I still single?” “Why am I still waiting?”
MARRIED COUPLES SOMETIMES ASK: “WHY ISN’T OUR MARRIAGE WHERE WE WANT IT TO BE?”
PARENTS WONDER: “WHY HASN’T MY CHILD FOUND THE RIGHT PATH?”
The answer is simple. God is never late. We all live by clocks; God lives by perfect timing.
The Talmud teaches that forty days before the formation of a child, a Heavenly Voice announces who that person’s future spouse will be.
If the match has already been decided, why do we sometimes have to wait? Because not only must the blessing be ready, the person receiving the blessing must also be ready.
Sometimes God prepares us before He gives us the gift.
A well-known story is told about a man who came to the Rebbe and said with great pain, “Everyone around me is getting married, and I am still waiting.”
The Rebbe smiled and replied, “When someone builds a one-story house, it can be completed quickly. But when someone builds a skyscraper, the foundation must be much deeper.”
Many couples later admitted that if they had married two or three years earlier, they would not have had the maturity, patience, or wisdom to build a healthy home.
Sometimes the delay is actually God’s protection.
Remember this sentence for life: God’s delay is never a denial. It is always preparation.
TOOL #2: MAKE THE EFFORT, TRUST THE OUTCOME
The second tool is to make an effort without losing trust in God. Some people think faith means sitting back and doing nothing. Judaism never teaches that. Our Sages say, “We do not rely on miracles.” We are expected to make responsible efforts.
However, once we have done our part, we must stop worrying and place the results in God’s hands.
If you are dating, meet people, ask questions, seek advice, and pray. But do not live in fear.
If you are married, improve communication, apologize when necessary, forgive, and continue working on your relationship. But remember that not everything depends on you.
If you are raising children, teach them, guide them, set healthy boundaries, and pray for them every day. But remember that the heart of every child is ultimately in God’s hands.
The Chafetz Chaim was once asked why he always appeared so calm. He answered, “Because I work for God.”
“THE EMPLOYEE DOES HIS WORK. THE EMPLOYER TAKES CARE OF THE SALARY.”
That is how we should live: We do our job. God sends the blessing.
Remember this sentence: Making the effort is my responsibility. The outcome is God’s responsibility.
TOOL #3: ASK “WHAT?” NOT “WHY?”
The third tool is to stop asking “Why?” and start asking “What?” When something painful happens, most people ask, “Why did this happen to me?” Usually there is no immediate answer.
Instead, ask, “What does God want me to learn from this?” This question changes everything. Pinchas did not spend his time asking why the plague had begun.
He asked what he needed to do.
The Three Weeks are not only days of mourning. They are days of self-reflection.
Instead of asking why life is difficult, ask: What can I improve? Which character trait can I strengthen? Which mitzvah can I perform with more love? How can I become a better husband, wife, parent, or Jew?
The question “Why?” keeps us trapped in yesterday. The question “What now?” builds tomorrow.
TOOL #4: SPEAK TO GOD ABOUT EVERYTHING
The fourth tool is to speak to God about everything. King David teaches us this throughout the Book of Psalms. He cried. He rejoiced. He thanked God. He asked for help. He spoke honestly. Nothing was too small to bring before God.
There is a story about a simple Jew who prayed every day, “Master of the Universe, today I have no words. Please just stay with me.”
That simple prayer reached Heaven. Prayer is not about beautiful language. Prayer is about an honest heart.
Before a date, pray. After a date, pray. Before making an important decision, pray. Before having a difficult conversation with your spouse, pray. Before correcting a child, pray. Before hugging your child, pray. Invite God into every moment of your life. Never think that your problem is too small for God.
Remember this sentence: The more you speak with God, the less you worry.
TOOL #5: LOOK FOR THE GOOD
The fifth tool is to see the good even during difficult times. Rabbi Akiva taught, “Everything God does is for the good.”
He did not say that everything feels good. He said that everything ultimately serves a good purpose.
The famous story tells of Rabbi Akiva whose donkey died, whose rooster died, and whose candle went out. Only the next morning did he discover that these painful events had saved his life from danger.
In life we only read one page. God already sees the entire book.
The Three Weeks teach us exactly this lesson. The greatest destruction in Jewish history will one day become the greatest celebration.
Our Sages teach that Mashiach is born on Tisha B’Av. Out of the deepest darkness comes the brightest light.
Remember this sentence: When you cannot see God’s hand, trust God’s heart.
TOOL #6: LIVE WITH HOPE
The sixth tool is to live with hope. After Pinchas acted courageously, God rewarded him with “My Covenant of Peace.” Why peace?
Because a person who lives with faith brings peace wherever he goes. Peace into the home. Peace into marriage. Peace into parenting. Peace into the heart. There is no family without challenges. There is no marriage without disagreements. There is no child without struggles. The difference is not the challenges. The difference is whether we live with fear or with hope.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe often encouraged people with one powerful message: “Think good, and it will be good.”
This is not merely positive thinking. It is living with complete trust that God guides every detail of our lives with love and compassion.
There is a moving story about a couple who married after many years of waiting.
After the wedding, someone asked the groom if he regretted all those lost years. He smiled and answered, “If I had married earlier, I would never have married this wonderful woman. Today I understand that every tear was part of God’s perfect plan.”
Sometimes we understand God’s kindness only after the journey is complete.
The Three Weeks teach us that the Temple was destroyed because of baseless hatred, division, and distance from one another. It will be rebuilt through unconditional love, unity, faith, and trust.
Every Jewish home is a miniature Temple. When husband and wife live with peace, God’s Presence rests in their home. When parents raise children with faith, they are helping rebuild the Jewish future. When a single man or woman refuses to lose hope and continues trusting God, they bring more light into the world.
Perhaps this is the greatest lesson of the Three Weeks: we do not simply mourn what was destroyed—we begin rebuilding what will soon stand again.
One day we will all look back on our lives. We will not remember every worry that kept us awake at night. We will remember one thing: God never left us.
Every tear was counted. Every prayer was heard. Every delay was preparation. Every challenge was a lesson. Every step was leading us exactly where we needed to be.
MY DEAR FRIENDS,
Faith does not remove life’s difficulties. Faith gives us the strength to face them. Trust in God does not promise that there will be no storms. It promises that we will never face those storms alone.
If we leave here today with one decision—to bring more faith into our homes, more trust into our hearts, more prayer into our daily lives, and more hope into our future—we will, with God’s help, see great blessings in finding the right spouse, strengthening our marriages, raising our children, and in every area of our lives.
May it be God’s will that through strengthening our faith and trust during these days of the Three Weeks, the days of sadness will soon become days of joy and celebration, and may we merit to witness the rebuilding of the Third Holy Temple and the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days.
Amen.
Life-Changing Message of the Week: “The person who continues walking with God even in the darkest moments will one day discover that the entire journey was filled with light.” — Rabbi Asher Vaknin, BJCC Youth Minyan (“The Place to Be”)
By Rabbi Asher Vaknin