D’VAR TORAH
There are days that teach us how to live—but there is one day that teaches us why we live.
Tisha B’Av is not merely a day of fasting and mourning. It is a day of deep reflection and personal transformation. Our Sages established five prohibitions on this day, but hidden within them are five powerful keys for building a meaningful, joyful, and holy life. Every prohibition is not simply something we avoid—it is an invitation to become a better person, a better spouse, a better parent, and a better Jew.
#1 NO FOOD OR DRINK
On Tisha B’Av we refrain from food and drink to remind ourselves that we are more than physical beings. Throughout the year we invest so much time in making a living, eating well, building our homes, and pursuing comfort. Yet one day a year, Hashem asks us to stop and ask a simple question: “Have I nourished my soul as much as I have nourished my body?”
Many people have everything money can buy, yet they still feel empty. They have beautiful homes but no peace within them. They have successful careers but little happiness. The body may be satisfied, but the soul is starving.
Every day we should feed our souls through Torah study, heartfelt prayer, acts of kindness, gratitude, and meaningful relationships.
Lesson #1: Never feed only your body. Feed your soul every single day.
#2 NO WASHING FOR PLEASURE
On this day we do not wash for comfort because Hashem wants us to remember that the greatest impurity is not found on our hands—it is found in our hearts.
It is easy to wash away dirt from our skin. It is much harder to wash away jealousy, anger, pride, resentment, and hatred.
The Beit HaMikdash was not destroyed because people were physically unclean. It was destroyed because of Sinat Chinam—baseless hatred.
Each of us should ask: Is there someone I need to forgive? Is there someone waiting for my phone call? Is there a relationship that needs healing?
The greatest purification is forgiveness.
Lesson #2: Water cleans the body. Forgiveness cleans the heart. So cleanse your heart before your body.
#3 AVOID BODY OILS AND PERFUMES
We avoid perfumes, lotions, and oils on Tisha B’Av to remind ourselves that real beauty is never skin deep.
The world measures people by appearance, fashion, wealth, and status.
The Torah measures people by kindness, humility, faith, and character.
When the prophet Shmuel searched for Israel’s next king, Hashem told him: “Man looks at the outward appearance, but Hashem looks at the heart.”
A beautiful face may fade with time. A beautiful heart only becomes more radiant. Your children will not remember what perfume you wore. They will remember your hugs, your patience, and your love. Your spouse will not remember every outfit you owned. They will remember how respected, appreciated, and cherished you made them feel.
Lesson #3: Outer beauty fades. Inner beauty lasts forever.
#4 NO LEATHER SHOES
On Tisha B’Av we avoid wearing comfortable leather shoes, reminding ourselves to stay connected to the ground—to humility.
The higher a person rises in life, the more important it is to remember where they came from.
Before Moshe Rabbeinu received his first Divine revelation at the Burning Bush, Hashem told him: “Remove your shoes from your feet, for the place upon which you stand is holy ground.”
The path to holiness begins with humility. A humble person is not someone who thinks less of themselves. A humble person is someone who realizes that every blessing, talent, and success is a gift from Hashem.
Lesson #4: The higher you rise, the more firmly your feet should remain on the ground.
#5 ABSTAIN FROM MARITAL RELATIONS
The fifth prohibition teaches one of Judaism’s greatest principles: Self-control is true freedom.
THE WORLD SAYS, “IF YOU FEEL IT, DO IT.”
THE TORAH SAYS, “IF YOU CAN MASTER YOUR DESIRES, YOU HAVE MASTERED YOURSELF.”
The strongest person is not the one who conquers others. The strongest person is the one who conquers their own impulses.
Every lasting success—in marriage, parenting, business, and spiritual growth—depends upon discipline, patience, and the ability to delay gratification.
Real greatness is not doing whatever you want. Real greatness is choosing what is right.
Lesson #5: The greatest ruler is the one who rules over himself.
Ultimately, these five prohibitions all point toward one goal: building a complete human being—a person who lives with purpose, faith, humility, compassion, holiness, and love for others.
LASTLY, THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL STORY ABOUT A RABBI:
One Tisha B’Av night, he noticed a simple Jew sitting on the floor weeping bitterly. The Rabbi gently asked, “Why are you crying?”
THE MAN ANSWERED, “I AM CRYING FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF THE BEIT HAMIKDASH.”
THE RABBI ASKED, “DID YOU EVER SEE THE TEMPLE?”
“No,” replied the man.
“THEN WHY ARE YOU CRYING OVER SOMETHING YOU NEVER SAW?”
The man answered with tears in his eyes, “If the Jewish people have been crying for over two thousand years, then it must have been our home.”
The Rabbi himself began to cry and said, “A nation that still mourns its Temple after two thousand years will surely live to see it rebuilt.”
That is the greatness of the Jewish people. We never forget our past, but we never lose hope for our future. Every year we sit on the floor so that one day we will stand proudly in rebuilt Jerusalem. Every year we cry so that soon we will rejoice. Every year we mourn because we believe with complete faith that Hashem will fulfill His promise: “I will transform their mourning into joy.”
May we take these five lessons into our daily lives: Feed your soul. Cleanse your heart. Cultivate inner beauty. Walk with humility. Live with holiness and self-discipline.
When we repair the causes of the destruction—hatred, pride, and division—we become the generation that will witness the rebuilding of the Beit HaMikdash.
AS OUR SAGES TEACH: “WHOEVER MOURNS FOR JERUSALEM WILL MERIT TO REJOICE IN HER REBUILDING.”
FINAL LIFE-CHANGING MESSAGE
The Beit HaMikdash will not be rebuilt with stones alone—it will be rebuilt with our hearts. When every Jew builds an inner sanctuary of faith, kindness, humility, and love, Hashem will build His eternal House in Jerusalem. May we witness that day speedily in our lifetime. Amen.
Rabbi Asher Vaknin leads the BJCC Youth Minyan (“The Place to Be”).
By Rabbi Asher Vaknin