YOM KIPPUR’S FIVE AFFLICTIONS AND FIVE PRAYERS CARRY LESSONS MEANT TO LAST ALL YEAR
There is one day a year when a Jew does not eat, yet his soul is full. He does not drink, yet his soul drinks from the Source of Life. He does not wash for pleasure, anoint his body, wear leather shoes or engage in marital intimacy, and somehow, on this day, he can feel more alive than ever.
That day is Yom Kippur.
It is easy to think of Yom Kippur as a day of giving things up. But the message runs deeper. Hashem does not simply want to make the body uncomfortable. For one day, He asks us to turn down the volume of the body so we can finally hear the voice of the soul.
The structure of the day reflects this. There are five afflictions and five prayer services: Maariv, Shacharit, Mussaf, Mincha and Ne’ilah. It is as if each time we step away from one level of physical comfort, Hashem invites us to climb another level spiritually.
From these five afflictions and five prayers come five messages that can change not only our Yom Kippur, but our entire year.
1. YOU ARE GREATER THAN WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT NOW
The first and most important affliction is refraining from food and drink.
All year long, the body speaks loudly: I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I want this, and I want it now. On Yom Kippur, we answer: I hear you, but you are not the boss.
That is a lesson for life. Not everything I want, I need. Not everything I feel must be acted upon. Not every angry thought has to become a sentence, and not every message has to be sent immediately. A great person is not someone who has no temptations. A great person is someone who decides which voice inside will control his life.
A man once came to his rabbi before Yom Kippur and said, «There are certain habits I simply cannot change. This is who I am.»
The rabbi asked, «When you are fasting on Yom Kippur and you become hungry, can you stop yourself from eating?»
«OF COURSE.»
The rabbi smiled. «Then you have already proven that ‘I want’ does not have to mean ‘I will.’ You already have the power. Now take the strength of Yom Kippur and bring it into the rest of the year.»
KEY LINE: «I DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING I FEEL. I CAN CHOOSE WHO I WANT TO BECOME.»
2. SOME STAINS CANNOT BE WASHED AWAY WITH WATER
The second affliction is refraining from washing for pleasure.
All year long, when something gets dirty, we wash it. On Yom Kippur, Hashem asks us to clean something soap and water can never reach. There are stains on our hands, and there are stains on our hearts.
There is the pain caused by a careless word. There is the relative we haven’t spoken to in months. A child may still remember something a parent said. A spouse may still carry a wound. A friend may still be waiting for a phone call. We tell ourselves it happened long ago and should be forgotten, but the heart remembers.
Before one Yom Kippur, a man sincerely asked a friend’s forgiveness for something that had happened years earlier. «I forgive you completely,» the friend said.
THE MAN BEGAN TO CRY. «WHY ARE YOU CRYING?» THE FRIEND ASKED. «I TOLD YOU I FORGIVE YOU.»
«Because I just realized how many years I carried something that could have been removed with two words: I’m sorry.»
Sometimes we carry a heavy suitcase for years simply because we are afraid to put it down.
KEY LINE: «The greatest cleanliness is not when your hands are clean. It is when your heart is clean.»
3. STOP LIVING FOR THE IMPRESSION
The third affliction is refraining from anointing the body with oils and similar comforts. For one day, we stop focusing on the outside and ask a far more frightening question: What is happening inside?
We live in a world obsessed with appearances. How do I look? What do people think of me? Who noticed me, who invited me, who complimented me?
Yom Kippur arrives and says: Today there is no audience. Today it is you and Hashem. No titles, no bank account, no position, no reputation, no mask.
A WEALTHY MAN ONCE PROUDLY TOLD A GREAT RABBI, «EVERYBODY IN THIS CITY KNOWS WHO I AM.»
THE RABBI ASKED, «BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?»
The man fell silent. The rabbi continued, «Sometimes a person spends his entire life making sure everybody knows him, and never takes the time to meet himself.»
Yom Kippur asks one of the most important questions of the year: Who am I when nobody is watching?
KEY LINE: «Do not live to impress people. Live so that you can respect the person you see in the mirror.»
4. FEEL THE GROUND BENEATH YOUR FEET
The fourth affliction is not wearing leather shoes.
Shoes separate us from the ground. On Yom Kippur, we become a little simpler, a little less comfortable and a little more aware that everything we have is a gift. Some people are unhappy not because they have too little, but because they have grown used to having so much.
A MAN ONCE COMPLAINED TO HIS RABBI, «I HAVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE.»
«DO YOU HAVE EYES?» THE RABBI ASKED. «WOULD YOU SELL YOUR EYESIGHT FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?»
«OF COURSE NOT.»
«CAN YOU WALK? WOULD YOU SELL THAT?»
«NO.»
«CAN YOU HEAR? CAN YOU SPEAK? DO YOU HAVE PEOPLE YOU LOVE? CAN YOU BREATHE?»
«YES.»
«You walked into my office telling me you have nothing,» the rabbi said. «In five minutes we discovered you are carrying millions of dollars in gifts you never stopped to appreciate.»
Yom Kippur brings us back to the ground. You are alive. You are breathing. You have another chance. Say thank you.
KEY LINE: «Happiness is not having everything I want. Happiness is discovering how much I already have.»
5. THERE COMES A MOMENT WHEN THE GATE IS CLOSING
The fifth affliction is refraining from marital intimacy. Even the deepest physical connection is paused for one sacred day, because the soul is searching for a different closeness: complete closeness with Hashem.
That search reaches its peak in Ne’ilah, the final prayer of the day and unlike any other of the year. The sun is setting. The fast is nearly over. The Aron Kodesh stands open. And something inside us cries: Hashem, before the gate closes, I want to come inside.
There is a story of a young child who reached a train just as its doors were closing, with his father already aboard. The child did not explain or argue. He simply screamed, «Father!» And the father ran to the door.
That is Ne’ilah. After thousands of words, after the machzor, the piyutim, Al Chet and Vidui, sometimes the soul has only one word left: Abba. Father, I want to come home.
The gates may be closing, but no one has to leave Yom Kippur as the same person who entered it.
KEY LINE: «Ne’ilah is not the moment when the gate closes. It is the moment when I decide what I will carry with me through the gate.»
BEGINNING, NOT ENDING
The five afflictions tell us we are more than a body. The five prayers tell us we can keep climbing.
Maariv says: Begin again. Shacharit says: Bring new light into your life. Mussaf says: Remember that you are part of something holy and eternal. Mincha says: Even late in the day, it is never too late to change. And Ne’ilah says: Do not wait any longer. Start now.
When we cry out «Shema Yisrael» and declare seven times «Hashem Hu HaElokim,» we should not think Yom Kippur is ending. Something new is beginning.
The real test of Yom Kippur is not how much we cried in shul, but how we speak at home afterward. It is not how hard we struck our chest during Al Chet, but whether our hearts grow softer toward others. It is not only that we went without food for 25 hours, but whether we can control our anger, jealousy, ego and words for the next 12 months. And it is not only whether we asked Hashem to forgive us, but whether we are willing to forgive someone else.
Imagine walking out of Ne’ilah and saying: This year I will guard my mouth. I will call my parents more often. I will give my children more time. I will show more appreciation to my spouse. I will set a fixed time for Torah study. I will let go of an old grudge. I will stop waiting for everyone else to change, and begin with myself.
But before the final shofar sounds, don’t make a hundred resolutions. Choose one: a small, clear, real change that can travel with you from Yom Kippur through the entire year.
Hashem is not looking for angels on Yom Kippur. He already has angels in Heaven. He is looking for human beings willing to stand up after falling, apologize after making a mistake, forgive after being hurt and begin again after believing it was too late.
The five afflictions teach us to let go. The five prayers teach us to rise. And when the final shofar sounds and we call out together, «L’Shanah Haba’ah B’Yerushalayim,» may we carry one thought with us all year:
Do not leave Yom Kippur only with fewer sins. Leave Yom Kippur with more soul.
Gmar Chatimah Tovah. May we all be sealed in the Book of Life for a year of health, shalom bayit, nachat, parnassah and joy.
By Rabbi Asher Vaknin